Thursday, December 8, 2011

5 days and no internet

Hi Everyone!! I have been thinking of this almost daily! I am almost through writing my protein review. Unjury is the winner for me for taste, texture, and great customer service. (you can return anything even if it is open)

Unfortunately we don't have internet right now which is why i have not been updating. I started my liquid diet on Thursday and it has been HELL for me. Its not so much that i feel hungry, it is just the holiday season, and the end of the semester which means FOOD! I did not realize what a strong relationship i had with food. The hardest day for me was on Tuesday. Tuesdays and Thursdays are my 12 hour days where i got to my practicum site, see clients and then go to school at night. Tuesday there were donut boxes all over my practicum site, which i could mostly avoid walking by. But the most difficult was at school. 1st i met for my last supervision which had little caesars pizza, breadsticks (my favorite), and wings. Then a classmates romanian mother made this filo dough esq with homemade pudding and homemade whipped cream. Everyone was oohing and aahing about how amazing it was. I suffered through that. Which of course the people in supervision kept asking if i wanted things to which i replied "no thank you i am undergoing a procedure that restricts my diet." Then the worst as if that was not bad enough. My class for children and family... the teacher brought specialty pizzas from plum market. 2 were vegetarian, another one had chicken. They smelled amazing. Then there was salad, an apple pie, and some other dishes. By that point i had eaten my supply of food that i brought and was ravenous. I don't know how i made it through Tuesday. Tuesday was the most difficult day thus far. Wednesday my friends had us over to their new house, and they ordered Chinese food. They had to order general tso's chicken (my favorite) so my husband and i left. As of today i have 5 days left until the BIG day and as time is progressing i am feeling ambivalent. I get waves of nerves where i am afraid to die, and wonder how can i give up my foodie friends? Then i question why am i doing this? My husband is supportive either ways, and keeps assuring me that he loves me how i am now. How will he feel after i change? I talked to my grandmother last night who made me feel a bit better. She got the RNY 20 years ago (i am getting the sleeve.) She said that she can still eat pizza occasionally but that instead of 4 slices she has one, and probably not the crust. She still eats pasta sometimes, and chinese. She said that i just have to get past my liquid phases and eventually i can eat my favorite foods again just not all the time. That made me feel better. We have a dry erase board in our kitchen. On it i wrote "This liquid diet is temporary. You will get to eat your favorite foods again (Just not all the time)." And somehow just hearing that made me feel better. As of today i am proudly marching towards Wednesday. The day when my life will change. When diabetes will no longer be knocking on my door. I can do this and so can you all. I can't find my scale and so as of today i have no idea how much weight i have loss in a week if any. I feel lighter and my wedding band fits again. So i just have to keep reminding myself of that.

A favor to you: Please tell me about your surgery, and why you got it and what gave you the strength to push on. What do you like and not like about yourselves after the fact? If you are going into this why?

December 14th, 2011 that is the day that Amber changes hopefully forever.

I will update when i can. As for now... I will be thinking of you guys.
P.S. Would you like me to video update??


  1. Amber, I'm in very much the same place. My surgery is two days after you (band) and I'm having the same issues/questions/fears. I appreciate your honest post and your great self-talk. I'm trying to do the same. Feel free to email me at to "chat" more any time. And if you want me to add you as a reader for my (invited readers only, for privacy online) blog, just let me know. All the best luck to both of us!!

  2. Just breath, that is the best advise I can give you. Relax and all the reasons you are doing this will come back to you. Nerves per surgery are normal, we all had them.

    To be honest, my only regret is that I didn't do it sooner!

  3. Amber, I am SO proud of YOU!!! I seriously understand the pain you've been going through this past week. I suffered after surgery w/ head hunger SO BAD! I had in laws in my house after surgery, and they ordered pizza and I thought I would die from the WANT of it! I had RNY 7/20/11, and am so happy I did this for myself! I have been a slow loser, but I'm OK with that. 60 lbs gone forever since March when I started working on the diet pre-op. You can do this!!! My story is here :

  4. Oh, that sounds like pure torture. I still have some regret that I wasn't required to pre-op diet (neither my insurance nor my surgeon required it) but I always felt like I should have tried to lose some weight pre-sleeve, because of course every lb you lose now is ONE LESS that you need to lose after. Anyway, reading your description hits home as to why my surgeon's NUT said to me that they don't make their patients do the pre-op diet because they think it's mean to do that to people. I don't know how you did it! BUT!!! Your Grandma is right, this is temporary and you will get to a place where you absolutely LOVE your new relationship with food. I love eating tiny portions and being satisfied with so much less. Losing almost 100lbs has made me feel amazing (I look better too but that is just small in comparison to HOW MUCH BETTER I FEEL!!!) Go back and read some of my early out posts and you will find comfort in knowing that the liquid is not forver. I have posted pics of the types of meals I was eating at 3+ weeks out. After you have surgery and heal you are going to feel SO GOOD! Hang in there Amber!

  5. You guys are AMAZING!! Thank you so much for your support!! Melissa we will be surgery buddies!! I believe in you!! Sam the regret for not doing it sooner seems to be common with the post surgery people :) Lana that has to suck!! I am sure you are doing great!! How much did you lose post surgery? I will find out tomorrow at the doctors how much i have loss so far. I can see it now :D Shelia, the hardest is that my moms birthday is tomorrow and we always go to mongolian BBQ. So i am meeting up with her later in the day to go to a light festival. It is difficult when social activities always revolve around food. My aunt said "why did you have to get your surgery around the holidays?" uh because i don't have school!! :D Sheila did you get your surgery laproscopically? They say that the pre op diet is to shrink your liver so it is easier for the surgeons to get to your stomach.

    I will update probably every day until the surgery. We will see!!
    Thank you all again. I appreciate every single one of you.