Wednesday, October 12, 2011

The ticker

The day i got my surgery date i grabbed a counter and put it on my site. When i looked it, it said that i had  80 some odd days, and that felt like an eternity to me. Today i punched in my site, and looked at the ticker and saw 62. For some reason the change in about 20 days seemed like a big deal to me. Perhaps because this semester is flying by for me as i am now in my practicum. To me the end of october is already here even though it is the middleish. (just because of how rapidly things are going)

A big change for me is.... not weight loss related. July 2010 i was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. My presenting issues did not match with this, as they initially said that i had transient global amnesia, and then changed to anxiety. Anyways, through my clinical program, and working through some issues, and finding out that my medicine causes heart issues in higher doses, i am no longer on any anxiety medicine.

This has caused some concern for my husband because in the past when switching medicines i had crashing points, which now i believe to have been conflicting medications.

My point of mentioning this, is i truly believe i was misdiagnosed. After being off my medicine for over three weeks now i feel fantastic. I feel like me, i don't feel like i am in a fog anymore. I feel happy, i am laughing again, i have a sex drive again. (yay since it was non existant for over a year) I have ZERO anxiety, and when i am having feelings i am writing down what they are. I.E- Anger, frustration, etc. Never in the three weeks since coming off of them have i felt a single bit of anxiety.
- A bonus too, i have had a fear of the activities i used to love (rollerblading, ice skating, sledding, etc.) as the doctors scared me into believing it was a horrible idea given that i was on blood thinner. So for over 4 years i have avoided doing the things i love because of this. Last week before i went to get a pedicure with a friend i skated over to her house. I lifted my arms, in relief that i had finally concurred this, i was enjoying myself and leaned back too far and fell onto my booty. I laughed, got up and skated the rest of the way to her house. When i told her about going off my meds, and concurring this fear, she said " you chose to do this AFTER you go off your meds?, " in a joking fashion. (i love her she is great)

So my point- i am grabbing life by the horns and embracing. I want to live my life, i want to do what i love, without the limits.

Just wanted to share. =)

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